I love video games, and I could spend hours and hours playing one game or another on any given day. That said, I absolutely hate online gaming.
It has its allure: Pit your skills against those of other gamers around the world. You get a whole new experience this way, and it keeps things fresh. There are, however, reasons I won’t do it.
Number five: Glitches
Have you ever been in the middle of a game and had a random glitch that either screwed up something you were doing or completely kicked you out of the game? The internet is a fickle creature, and it could absolutely ruin your day. When you play a regular game, most of the time, you don’t need the internet to kick tail.
Number four: There’s usually no story
I know I’m sometimes alone in this, but I love a good story. But it’s really hard to achieve this in an online game. People are uncoordinated and don’t want to go the same way as everyone else all the time.
I also learned from “Skyrim” that I’m a huge hoarder, but people get ticked when you try to pull this in a multiplayer game. It just doesn’t work.
Number three: Cooperation
This was kind of covered in number four, but I want to elaborate here: I generally dislike people. Many nerds, I’ve noticed, kind of become antisocial. Whether this was from bullying or long hours reading and gaming on our own, I don’t know.
You are your own little snowflake, reader.
Either way, working with other people just isn’t my forte. I tend to disagree with whatever other people decide as a game plan, and it just never works out.
Number two: Microphones
Microphones are a huge part of online gaming. You can coordinate tactics and chat with your buddies while you play so it’s all good, except some people just don’t know when to shut up.
I know you’ve been there if you’ve done any sort of gaming. You get into a match and some dude is talking to someone else in the team — or even someone who’s not playing — and he just goes on and on. I’ve learned way too much about people through these little chats, and all of it is stupid.
Seriously, dude or dudette, just turn your dang mic off every once in a while, or at least think of other gamers when you turn it on.
Number one: Jerks
Female gamer or not, you’ve likely been cussed out or harassed in an online game. There are trolls and idiots out there who make gaming an uncomfortable or unwelcoming experience. Some people say you just need to get over it or ignore them, but sometimes, that’s impossible.
When I played “Destiny,” a fully online Bungee game that came out last year, I had some really creepy experiences. I played a female character because, hello, female here. I like to play a character that resembles me — except with bigger boobs and elf ears, whatever (I’ll talk in a later blog about female characters and how you really can’t avoid going a few sizes up).
Anyway, I was hanging out at the Tower (the area where you get your missions and shop) getting new equipment or something, and some dude started following me. There’s a feature in Bungee games that I’ve never really liked, but it had never made me so uncomfortable before: You can crouch, which makes it easier to find cover, but it also makes it so other characters can “teabag” you. This means it looks like they’re humping you.
When I stopped running around and got ready to warp out of there, this guy began to “teabag” my character. I moved out of the way, wondering what the heck this guy was doing, and he kept following me and tried to do it again.
Since I wasn’t about to let him do that while I sat there and typed him a scathing message, I warped out. There’s no report system or anything, so I just rode out the rage by shooting random monsters, but it still makes me mad and uncomfortable to this day.
More recently, I was playing “Evolve” as a medic. I had an ability that allowed me to shoot medic grenades to heal from a distance. This guy went down, and I decided to try to heal him that way instead of the quicker one where you hit “square,” because I was able to level up my skill that way and not the other. If you don’t understand what I mean, just know I was doing this to help my character.
Well, the monster caught up with us and slaughtered everyone before I could heal him — myself last — and some dude just lights into me. He actually called me, excuse my language, “a stupid motherf***er.”
What. Dude. I love video games, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not that big of a deal. He cussed me out because he got a little less experience for the match than he would have otherwise. Have some class, people.
Anyway, reader, don’t be a jerk. I’ve never understood the need to berate people over the Internet, and I’ve certainly never understood the need to virtually hump someone. I think that guy may be a sociopath. So really, that’s what you need to take away: Don’t be a sociopath. Pretty please.
Big nerd news: Leonard Nimoy, the original Spock from “Star Trek,” died Friday morning at age 83. I admittedly know very little about “Star Trek,” but I always admired his character.
I imagine a star bloomed up in the heavens somewhere for him. This will certainly sprout several “Star Trek” marathons, at least, including my own.
In other news, the “Wonder Woman” movie is going to begin filming at the end of this year, which is incredibly exciting. I had my doubts about Gal Gadot at first, to be honest, and some of them are still there. She doesn’t strike me as Wonder Woman material; I imagine a strong, imposing character, like Lucy Lawless as Xena.
I’ve heard, however, that she’s playing a young Wonder Woman who’s just starting out, and that makes sense. I can get behind that.
In space news, a lot of people are saying the Mars One project is “unrealistic.” People are pointing out flaws with oxygen supply and funding, among other things, but the guys behind Mars One kind of shrugged it off. I hope it all works out for those guys; a Mars colony would be amazing. I guarantee you it would be the only reality show I would watch.
There’s also a really cool race between civilian space agencies to get to the moon, with a nifty prize involved. It might end up being a NASCAR-esque deal, and I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out.
That’s all for now. If you have anything you’d like me to cover, leave me a comment.