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Distant screams mark start of finals week

**The Rotten Peay is not to be taken seriously. Everything said is satire and is one hundred percent guaranteed to be a joke.**

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The horrible sounds of wailing can be heard throughout APSU’s campus. Trepidation and speculation spread Sunday night. By Monday morning, the second day of finals, the terror set in.

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“At first, I thought it was the cats,” said a senior business major. “But then as the screams grew louder, I realized it could only be caused by a test.”

Reports conclude that the screams were louder than the average APSU football game.

“I didn’t know what to do. I had already studied for ten hours,” said a freshman physics major, participant in the screaming. “The only other option was to scream until all of my problems went away.”

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One professor said this is normal student activity around finals week.

“You shouldn’t be put off by this loud, grotesque screaming,” the professor said. “This usually happens every time I assign a 10 to 12 page research paper.”

When asked if the screaming bothered him, the professor responded, “It’s pretty topical. Reminds me of a nature documentary I watch with my wife.”

Walking to exams amid the screeching, many APSU students could be seen crying or aggressively studying.

With an Einstein’s bagel in one hand and a Starbucks venti in the other, one student continued screaming until she arrived in her accounting exam.

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“I tried to stop screaming, but then I remembered how many problems were on the test,” the student said. “It was either drop out or scream.”

If you encounter bellowing on your walk to exams at any time this week, do not encourage it. Buying the person coffee or giving them a pack of extra strength tissues usually helps the problem, but this is not a guarantee. If the shouting persists, finish your exams and leave campus immediately.

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About Lauren Cottle

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