The All State

With homecoming last week, a lot of news came and went and few of us noticed since we were so busy. I did find a few good stories to share.

“A Florida man spent almost five years wrapping and linking and stretching about 730,000 rubber bands of various sizes into this ball. Ripley’s Believe it or Not will put it on display at Ripley’s museum in Orlando.” Thank you, Associated Press for sharing such important information.

Also from the Sunshine State, there was a little girl who wanted to take an alligator to show and tell. Since her dad is a wildlife officer, this worked out in her favor. According to the story from The News Herald, the alligator jumped out of the back of the truck in which it was being transported and escaped.

Don’t worry, they think they found the little gator in a pond in the Florida Panhandle. The little guy’s mouth was also taped shut for transport.

Aside from losing gators, in East Tennessee news, police found a mechanic “drumming up business by tampering with parked cars, then charging to help start them.”

The AP reported 41-year-old Christopher Walls of Johnson City was arrested Thursday, Oct. 29, for disabling cars parked at restaurants and waiting for the customers to come back out to their cars then charged them to help start the vehicles. Sounds like a great idea, if it weren’t illegal. Walls was said to have “charged between $40 and $200 to get the vehicles running again.”

Walls was charged with two counts of theft under $500.

Police believe there may be more victims and are urging anyone who thinks they may have been scammed to let them know. “Walls was held at the Washington County Jail where a jailer said there was no record of him yet having an attorney,” according to the story.

More local news: The Titans finally pulled out a victory Sunday, Nov. 1, against the Jaguars. Now Tampa Bay stands alone in the winless column, and Tennessee joins four other teams with one win. I guess the Titans won’t be joining the Lions of 2008-09 this season. Let’s also hope they don’t gain membership to the club in the next few seasons.

One last thing, not from Florida or Tennessee, but from Washington, D.C.: In January, when the Obamas moved into the big white house at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., the news stations reported on the girls going to school then promised to not show them again. Tell me why I see Sasha and Malia on the Nightly News so often it seems like once a week.

Brian Williams made such a big deal that it would be the only time we would see them, but clearly, it was not, and I don’t see it stopping any time soon. Next time we make a deal to keep someone out of the news, let’s stick to it.

Two weeks of ridiculousness and plenty of news to fill the page, but only a few good stories made the cut.

You know those calendars with half naked girls that a lot of stereotypical guys have hanging in their dorm rooms? Well now there’s one that breaks the stereotypes of a few Mormon women dressed in a little less than modesty. The best part is the guy who created the calendar was not only excommunicated from the Mormon church, but also had his BYU diploma withheld.

The way I see it, it’s not all his fault and he shouldn’t have been the only one getting the boot. What about the people in the photos that make up the calendar?

Prior to the “Hot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood” calendar, Chad Hardy, the calendar’s creator, produced a three-year calendar series depicting male missionaries of the church called “Men on a Mission.”

I’m not sure I can put this any better than how I found it from the AP. “Police said a one-legged suspect was caught after only one shoe went missing in a store in Belgium. An amputee was an immediate suspect when a store attendant found one shoe missing from a shop in the western Belgian town of Maldegem. Police spokesman Rik Decraemer said on Monday, Oct. 24, that authorities were alerted and quickly found the man who fit the description by shopkeepers. The shoe was also recovered.

“The suspect, a Russian asylum seeker, faces possible charges and was handed over to judicial authorities.”

When I saw the headline for the Mark McGwire hitting coach story, I couldn’t help but wonder what photo the AP decided to run with it. I’ll give you two guesses, but I only needed one. This is the cutline that ran with it, “FILE —This is a March 17, 2005, file photo showing Mark McGwire testifying on Capitol Hill during a hearing on the use of steroids in professional baseball.”

Here’s the thing. Even if McGwire hadn’t set the record for most homeruns in a single season in 1998, just because he took so much heat for the juice, that’s all anyone’s ever going to remember. I do believe he was using at the time, but then again, Barry Bonds was on steroids when he broke the same record in 2001. How else would a record that stood for 37 years be broken again so suddenly?

It’s like Pete Rose not going to the Hall of Fame for his career as a player because he got busted making bets on his own sport as a manager. Just let it go and let them be.

Balloon boy. By the way, he takes the ‘Dici for the week. When I first saw it, I was a little concerned this kid was lost in the sky in a balloon. Granted, I didn’t see any photos at first so I honestly thought of the Good Witch from the East’s bubble floating with a kid inside.

Then it grounded, and the kid wasn’t there. Then they started searching for him.

He was hiding in the garage, and looked a ittle shocked that it was such a big deal.

Then it all unraveled. How did these parents expect this little boy to keep his mouth shut after so many questions and he knew better? “We did it for the show.”

Wow. That’s all I have to say about that.

And finally, police in Iowa City are investigating an “assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice,” according to the AP.

“A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.

“—The man then ran out a back door. The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.”

Though I don’t know much about the game, I did find several ridiculous football related things over the last week and for non-sports-fans, a few non-football points as well.

First off, the Titans are 0-5. Didn’t they go to the playoffs last year? This sort of reminds me of the post-Super Bowl season. Perhaps it could be because of their dilapidated field.

‘ I was watching the game Sunday, Oct. 11, and I could not help but notice how awful it looked. That part reminded me of my high school’s field when the pitch was too high and all the grass died.

My advice for a win: grounds crew overtime.

Off the field, and into the owners’ box now, I heard Gloria Estefan was a part owner of the Miami Dolphins.

Upon hearing this, I thought it could have possibly taken the cake for most ridiculous story of the week.

However, J.Lo and her Marc Anthony as well as the Williams sisters are part owners.

Leaving Miami for the NFC, the Rams have a few prospective buyers, including former ESPN football commentator Rush Limbaugh.

In a story by Chris Mortensen on ESPN.com, “NFL Players executive director DeMaurice Smith on Saturday made a move to solidify the union against a bid by conservative talk show radio host Rush Limbaugh as part of a group that aims to purchase the St. Louis Rams.”

Some people should just stick to what they know, and football, as far as I can tell, might not be his ideal extracurricular.

Just in case he doesn’t know, I think there still might be some black players on the team.

I decided to give the most ridiculous story of the week an award, and it is officially dubbed “The ’Dici.” This week’s goes hands down to Pepsi.

I heard about Pepsi’s iPhone application from a friend, but I had to see it for myself. I did a Google search to see if I could find something more about it online after reading the app details.

As a PCMag.com article puts it in their headline, “Sexist? Pepsi Has an App for That.” The app is free, but the content is going to pay a price.

The idea behind it is to not only promote the Amp energy drink, but to encourage ways for guys to “score” 24 different types of women.

From sorority girls to cougars, Pepsi is bound to help you hook up with whichever type of woman you are looking for.

Not only will they help you get the girl, they even included a “brag list” feature, “where you can tally all the women with whom you score, inputting her name, the date, and ‘whatever details you remember,’” according to the online story.

Finally, as most commuter students have probably seen, the Trahern lot makes me angry. When I went through with a friend to pick up another friend last week just as the 11 a.m. classes were getting out, the lot was less than half full.

If I didn’t live on campus and had to drive everyday, I would be making a bit more of a fuss about this.

I do understand faculty lost a lot of parking to construction, but I do not feel the half-used lot is fair to the rest of the campus community.

EDITOR’S NOTE:

Just prior to press time Monday, Oct. 12, Pepsi issued an apology for their app on Twitter, but did not remove the application from Apple’s App Store.

By Jess Norbert | Chief Copy Editor

The best thing I’ve heard in a while was on my favorite show NBC Nightly News: Iran is building nuclear weapons. Potentially. Just outside the city of Qom, Iran, officials uncovered a plant that was “inconsistent with a peaceful program” buried in a mountain about 100 miles from Tehran.

In the words of Stephen Colbert, Barack Obama put Iran “on notice.”

The report I saw revealed that the plant uncovered could have produced one or two nuclear weapons a year. Though Obama was briefed with this information in his official transition, it was not made public until now because it had “moved to a dangerous stage.”

The next big story I just thought was the terror plot that got busted up. The guy, Najibullah Zazi, bought a bunch of hair chemicals and his excuse to the clerk at the store was he had “a lot of girlfriends.” Really? If all you have to say is some stupid, awkward comment about your non-existent girlfriend, you more than deserve to be caught.

Not to mention to two other geniuses recently who were part of terror plots with undercover agents and got busted. Honestly, you don’t need to be doing all of this crazy blow-stuff-up business, and then, don’t plot with undercover agents. Not sure who is or isn’t a suit? Be on the safe side and stay out of trouble.

The swine flu vaccine is officially available in a nose spray, and only a nose spray until they get the shot together. As far as my news watching statistic gathering tells me, 91 percent of colleges in the U.S. are reporting cases of the H1N1 influenza strain.

I know they have improved, and I’m not trying to scare anyone off of it, but remember the last time there were swine flu shots? People ended up paralyzed and in most cases they were stuck that way. If you need to get your shot, please get it and don’t come to class and get the rest of us sick. If that’s too hard, you’d better hope I don’t get it from you or I’ll call you out right here on this page.

Saturday, Sept. 26, marked Ichiro’s first ejection in his major league career. Most people know he is a mild mannered player who rarely argues about anything.

For those of you who don’t know, the strike zone is usually over the plate, not to the left of it, like the pitch the umpire called a strike, not a ball, as it clearly was.

Ichiro proceeded to draw a line in the dirt where the ball crossed and he got tossed. Manager Don Wakamatsu hurried from the dugout to grab his All-Star to pull him back. This has been quite a year for No. 51 but this is probably the least expected record he has broken.

Bank of America and several of its competitors decided to cut back on over draft fees.

The best part, they announced they won’t rearrange transactions to hit you with more fees.

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I heard all week. I knew I didn’t deserve those extra hits on my account this summer. Again in the words of Colbert, Bank of America, “You’re on notice.”

By Jess Norbert | Chief Copy Editor

I’ve had to do a lot of work in the library lately—well, I’ve spent a lot of time in there at least. One thing I’ve noticed since I’ve been in college for the last four years is the talking in the library.

When I was growing up, it was understood the library was for quiet. Even in middle school when the librarians would talk while the class had quiet reading, it bothered me.

Why is it that at APSU, this rule is completely out the window? I know we are all in our study groups and all, but seriously, it’s still the library.

On second thought, they need new carpet, too, because it smells awful in there.

Speaking of schoolwork, I’m in a few classes online this semester that use D2L because we aren’t in a lecture.

Here’s the ridiculous part: My class work is nowhere near D2L. Professors ask us to buy these access codes, which cost pretty much the same as the textbooks, and make us use these third party sites to do our class work. I just don’t get it. It seems a little excessive to me.

Apparently, there was a guy in Washington state who escaped while on a field trip to the county fair. He’s not an elementary school student, but “a mentally ill killer who escaped during a hospital field trip,” according to an AP story. The main concern was he could go crazy without his medication.

Phillip Arnold Paul, the inmate who got away, was one of 32 patients on the trip. There were 11 staff members accompanying them. Authorities found Paul three days later, almost 180 miles from where he escaped.

For the baseball fans out there, (everyone knows by now that I’m one of them), I’m sure you have seen the little girl who threw back the foul ball.

Her dad, Steve Montforto, grew up going to Phillies games. Even though he’s had season tickets, he never actually caught a foul ball, until last week. After he caught it, he gave it to his daughter, Emily, who took it and threw it back.

They made it onto most sports highlight shows and the evening news the following day.

Lucky for Montforto, the team’s executives were right below them in the stands, and rushed a new ball up to him as soon as they saw. Emily also got a team jersey.

One last thing, and this is the last time I’m going to say anything about it here, if you have something on your menu, be prepared to make it or take it off the menu.

Students are looking forward to these items, and when they are constantly let down, they stop coming back.

By Jess Norbert | Chief Copy Editor

I wasn’t really sure what to write about this week until Sunday, Sep. 13. I got on Facebook to do a little stalking and everyone’s status was about how mad they were at Kanye West. Now, I didn’t think people really watched the Video Music Awards anymore, but I thought maybe there was some really hot category that might have caught interest.

So since I wasn’t watching, I had to find a status by someone who didn’t know what happened either. Then I saw: Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift and mortified her in front of millions of people at Radio City Music Hall and watching live on TV.

Granted, Kanye’s outburst wasn’t really a surprise, it was just what he said that got everyone’s jaws to hit the floor. He got up on stage, took the microphone and said, “I’m happy for you Taylor, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.” If you didn’t see it live, check it out on YouTube. Beyoncé was so embarrassed. Before this, I had a few ideas in mind, but obviously, Kanye takes the moonman for being the ridiculous idiot of the week.

Speaking of outbursts, Rep. Joe Wilson, (R-S.C), called Barack Obama a liar during his healthcare address last week. It’s one thing to not agree, but it’s another to think someone is not being honest. But to straight up call the president a liar in an address to congress, well you’re either the bravest man I’ve ever met or the dumbest.

He had to apologize multiple times to the president, congress and the American people immediately.

As much as I like politics, I love sports. This last week was pretty eventful in my little world.

The first game of the NFL regular season was Thursday, Sept. 10. The Titans were in Pittsburgh to play the reigning world champion Steelers. I don’t know much about football, so I went over to watch the game with a group of my guy friends who helped me out a little. I didn’t stay for the whole game, but when I left it was tied.

So after I got back to my dorm and was settled, I turned it on again. The Titans had scored and I figured it would probably end with the hometown boys taking the W. Well, I walked out of range of the TV for a few minutes and by the time I got back, the Steelers had tied it again.

Now, I understand the concept of overtime, which is not new to me. But tying in football? I didn’t even know that was an option. Granted, the Steelers ended up winning, but I was still baffled by the fact that if no one had scored in OT, there would be a tie. I don’t know about you, but if there isn’t a clear winner, I just don’t do well with it.

Serena Williams was playing in the US Open this weekend when she foot faulted on her serve. She blew up at the official and ended up being disqualified. They say she would have probably lost anyway, but what a way to go out.

I guess John McEnroe is proud of her. Someone’s got to make the sudden, unnecessary outbursts these days. Serena did apologize, but she still couldn’t complete her match.

To close things out, I would like to thank Austin’s for their prompt attention to the matter of milkshakes. I am pleased to announce the day The All State hit newsstands last, there were milkshakes again. Let’s hope it stays that way.